(434): question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
(Because it’s like I’m suspended between two unrecognizable emotions, and I have no idea whether I’m supposed to be worried/sad/confused/ecstatic/depressed. Hence, I’ll sleep.)
(BTW, do you ever get that feeling? Like…you have NO IDEA what you’re supposed to be feeling. Like you’re in fucking limbo or something. :-/ I feel like this all the time. Like my emotions aren’t in sync with what I’m supposed to be feeling. Example: it usually takes me a few hours before I actually feel embarrassed about something. I’ll be walking home and I’ll suddenly get that weird, queasy sensation. And I’ll try to remember why. Why I’m feeling something not in sync with what I’m currently experiencing. And I’ll stop walking, and it’ll take me ten minutes before I realize that I’m embarrassed because I’m supposed to feel embarrassed, only I’m experiencing the emotion a few hours too late. :-//// I think there’s something horribly wrong with me.)
Anyway, good night! :)
P: Oh but you are, M!
M: No I’m not
P: Remember that one time when your ex texted you “Sup?”
P: And do tell, what did you reply to that pathetic excuse of a human being?
M: Umm…I said “Leave me alone.”
P: Oh. Yeahhh, I remember that. I was actually thinking of another person. Hmmm… Bad example.
M: Yeah. He replied with “Sorry, that wasn’t for you.”
this made me laugh :))
- Shark skeletons are made of cartilage, which is more flexible than bone, which a shark will use to tear you into pieces.
- Shark skin is very hard and sharp, meaning that they’re so badass, touching them will hurt you.
- Most fish wiggle to swim. Sharks are too cool for that, they glide.
- Most fish have one pair of gills; sharks have five to seven, because that’s how much oxygen they need to be that badass.
- The jaws of a shark are the most powerful on Earth. The entire effing Earth.
- Sharks have very enhanced senses, and can hear, smell and feel everything in the water around them. If you step foot into the water, THEY WILL KNOW.
- Sharks have a lifetime supply of teeth. They’re so intense, THEY DON’T NEED A DENTAL PLAN.
- What’s more badass than the fact that there’s very little a shark can’t eat? THEY. DON’T. CHEW.
- Shark eggs are tough, leathery, and rectangular, or shaped like spirals and screws. They look badass before they were even born.
BE A SHARK, DAMMIT.
…by the time I got there, the tea set was already gone.
“but that is because our minds are finite, whereas the Creator’s mind is infinite.”
“most of my mail these days was fan mail - and pretty strange it was, too.”
next i find someone who fucked up worse than i did, like some student prostitute who cuts herself.
our yellow ranch house, 26 Bobolin Drive, had a garage
”..get them involved, I will kill a lovely blond..”
I don’t have a page 18. I’m just going to turn to a random page. “and promises that he will stop using.”
(650): i’d like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
(610): No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
(570): Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?